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More silence from me. Terrible.

I became angry with Whisper. It was taking too long to get a page done. I treated Whisper as a learning experience, as it is (as is everything, honestly, but shhh), and I learned after a dozen pages that the way I was doing things was not working. I talked about it earlier, but ultimately, I realized I needed to stop and evaluate.

So I stopped.

It's been over a year. A lot has happened. But I've been doodling in my sketchbooks, practicing, and I'm feeling better about going back to Whisper.

Everybody is different

I have spent the last few years depressed. Ignited by one situation and now fueled by bouts of unemployment, 9 months of couch surfing, and unemployment again. Here's some things I learned about myself, in regards to making comics.

1. I can still write even when at my lowest low.

2. I may not be able to draw when I am that low. 

3. Drawing improves my mood for that day.

4. When I am couch surfing, I cannot draw digitally. I need a desk and space and privacy.

5. I need a cintiq. I'm extremely put off by the struggles on a tablet now.

When I was living on couches, I wanted to draw. But I couldn't. I had too much inner turmoil broiling around from not having my necessary space. And the fact that I couldn't draw bothered me so much. I read inspirational stories from other artists talking about a time they were couch surfing and made comics. Why couldn't I?

What I didn't realize is that the stories are the success stories. Obviously. But I think there are successful artists who are like me and cannot work like that. And they wouldn't talk about it specifically, since it's in the "failures" column. But it doesn't mean I can't succeed. It means I have requirements and limitations. Everyone has limitations, maybe self-imposed, maybe not, but we all have them. That's okay.

It's okay that I need my door closed or an empty house in order to draw. I don't need that to write.

I can write anywhere, any time. It's weird, it's abnormal. I never get writer's block, I don't need a special set up. I can just go. My art needs the babying. That's okay.

It meant that I had 9 months of no drawing. That was hard. That was me spending every day wondering why I was failing. Why couldn't do this? Did I not want it enough? Maybe. Depression tends to prioritize itself and easy things. 

We shouldn't beat ourselves up because we differ from others. Just because my friend can draw anywhere she has room to set down a laptop doesn't mean I'm failing. It's a reflection on her abilities, but not mine.

Everybody is different.