You've Got to Decide

I always thought I could make comics while working a normal job. That I could come home and draw. That I could take weekends to draw. I was sure this would work for me.

But I'm finding that I am very unhappy with this, which partially has to do with my work schedule being retail hours so I can be at work as late as 10pm. I need my evenings, so this leaves me sitting on the edge of my bed feeling useless and hopeless. Why am I working these unpleasant jobs? To make money to pay bills? I barely make enough to do that.

If I'm going to barely be getting by, why not at least be doing something I want to do?

So I'm working towards a new goal. Towards actually being a professional artist. One who gets commissioned by publishers to make cover art, to draw comics, to write comics. Who gets commissioned by patrons online. Who tables at conventions. Where I get up and make art all day and that's my job. No more "other" jobs. No more trying to fit into the mold that society laid out for me. I don't fit. I keep trying to fit but it just makes me miserable.

Steps toward that are difficult to see because it's not something you apply for and get hired to do. You have to just do it. You have to draw and share your drawings. You have to create portfolios and send them to publishers. You have to write story pitches and get rejected. You have to carefully track your money so you can pay taxes properly. A lot of these things were hard in my mind for years.

A year ago, I submitted my first comic pitch. I was rejected but I was so proud of myself for completing a pitch. I succeeded. I've been contemplating how I'll have to pay taxes and getting myself comfortable with that thought. I feel better about it. I know I can do it. I'll learn. I'll talk to other comic artists and get tips. I need to move to where the comic artists are. Somewhere that has a major airport to travel to conventions. I think Seattle will do for me. I have a few comic friends there. They have their fair share of conventions and the airport goes pretty much everywhere.

I've been on this road for so long. I've rested, stepped off, and tripped. I've run with reckless abandon. In some ways I'm succeeding and in other ways I am failing. But I haven't failed. I'm still going. So I'm still succeeding, ultimately.

I can do this.